I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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