I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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