I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
