I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
