so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
