He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
