the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
