i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
