He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
