I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
