I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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