he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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