the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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