i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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