I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
