im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize