i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
