Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Everyone says I win the strip club
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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