I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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