all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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