your parents love me but you hate me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
