I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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