I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
