Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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