I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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