there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
