I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
