On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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