I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
