I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
A+ Viking dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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