I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
