I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
