I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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