cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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