Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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