well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
