So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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