I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
