I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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