That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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