I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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