how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
