she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
