I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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