Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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