how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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