dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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