nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
