Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize