im drinking this country out of the recession.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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