You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
