OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
