Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
