____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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