well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
