I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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