he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
