Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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