Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
