I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
