u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
