Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
