I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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