Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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