the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
