my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
