Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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