oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
