i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm at about main and main street
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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