his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
