Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
