I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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