Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
