omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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