For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
