i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
