I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
