I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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