I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
