I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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