Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
