I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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