Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
