Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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