Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
