found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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