Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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